This has been a rocky week for many people. A friend lost her mother tragically, a couple in Seattle were gunned down randomly, our Leaders are doing a great job further dividing our country, and someone was mean to me on Facebook.
Why We Take Things So Hard
Someone told me that I needed to pull up my big girl panties and move on. Another person told me that it was silly to waste time thinking of my troll. All week, I received these messages; messages of support during a rocky time. Every single person who reached out to me was right. It was time to move on. It was time to stop giving away my power. I control how I respond to the things life throws at me.
So why was I taking this woman seriously? A woman who so many people have tagged with a mental disorder? Why did she occupy so much space in my head?
Everything she said to me I’ve heard many times before:
- My mother said these things to me repeatedly in my life, and they became a mantra in my head, repeating as self-talk for decades.
- Another friend sent me a 3-page email telling me these things as she ended our friendship.
- And my troll wasn’t always a troll; she was a friend who blindsided me – and she had a posse.
So this was a lot more than someone pissing in my Cheerios. This event had a bite. And it’s over now.
We take seemingly small things hard because there’s a lot going on beneath the surface that turns a pond into a raging tsunami.
Saying Goodbye to Blogging
Stop blogging? Leave social media?
What do I need to be a voice in this community? There are a ton of amazing bloggers out there? What am I offering that they aren’t offering? I could go back to the land of obscurity where all that matters are my dogs, my boyfriend, and my friends. No more conflict.
I considered it all. When I saw the negative comments about me by people who are in the same raw feeding circle – calling me controlling and a bitch – I just wanted to leave social media. Walk away from the blog that I worked so hard on for 5 years and is making a great income.
Every conflict that I’ve lived through as a blogger came to the surface. I felt shamed from all sides. This thing completely deflated me despite the amount of support being thrown my way by people who are friends. Maybe I am a bully, intolerant, moody,
Maybe I am a bully, intolerant, moody, condescending, worthless, insensitive, rude, hostile, and think I’m better than everyone else. Maybe my life is pointless, and I don’t deserve to breathe. Maybe she was right about me. This used to be me, but years of therapy and working through my past made me a better, happier person – or I thought it did. Maybe I’m so deluded that when I think I’m nice and helpful, I’m actually rude and dismissive.
And then many voices told me “THAT IS BULLSHIT, AND YOU KNOW BETTER!!!”
I sincerely considered shutting down my blog because I couldn’t handle the thought of a group of people coming together to discuss how much they hate me. I actually considered throwing away all the hard work I’ve put into my blog because someone hurt my feelings. Because people hate me.
Oh, My God!
Saying Yes to Me
So today, my fourth day in my Year of Yes, I’m saying YES to me. I’m going to start shielding myself online. I’m going to be careful with the connections I make. And I’m no longer going to put myself out there to be a doormat to strangers.
So I tightened up my security, I blocked more people this week than I did all of last year, and I pulled out my editorial calendar and got to work.
3 Things I Learned This Week
1 – No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. E. Roosevelt
2 – People in pain are dangerous people. Avoid them.
3 – I have more friends than I realized and a few of them are vicious, and I love them.